16 ‘All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.’
2 Timothy 3: 16-17 NIV
6min read
Research consistently shows that children thrive best when clear boundaries and expectations are in place. And over and over again throughout the Bible I see the hand of God moving for the benefit of His people. God sees His people and He sees them suffering time and again due to their inclination to sin and their bondage to the enemy. So out of His great love for us He put the Law in place to give us the freedom we truly desire. This freedom may look like foolishness to the world but it’s liberation for the believer as it sets a standard of what God expects of His people. And if we truly believe, we will be obedient to His Law.
18 For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19 For it is written:
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.”
1 Corinthians 1: 18-19 NIV
Some may see these boundaries as limitations and rules, but when I look at the Law I see freedom. Freedom from spiritual, physical and mental harm. And the 10 Commandments are not only where they are found, I see them all throughout the Bible, in Proverbs, in the book of Matthew and 1 Peter. These Laws are life giving and when we seek them and apply them we can understand why God’s authority is of benefit to us. This is the same when I see my daughter. She thrives best under boundaries and expectations, they are not there to harm her but to build her up. When she is aware of what is expected of her, she rises up. Just as God calls His children higher, we are to call our children higher. He sees greater things for us, and this is how I believe we should raise our children. It’s not about the now, it’s where we desire to lead them into their future.
Over the last few years I have come to understand more deeply what it means to have healthy authority in my relationship with my daughter. It is not forced and angry. It is not scary and manipulative. It is not dominating. It is controlled, healthy and it comes from a place of love. And when I set boundaries in place, it is her choice to be obedient or her choice to fall short. And when my grace is extended to her, I also reach out and give her an understanding of the consequence if she continues down this negative path. There is no need for anger or frustration here, I set the standard with her, I communicate with her so she is aware of her choice and where her actions might lead her. And that’s it, it’s her choice. But it is up to me to set the standard in the first place. In our culture today I see a lack in healthy authority over our children. And I believe it is because there is so much knowledge in the world but there is not enough scriptural reference backing it up. We desire to bring up healthy children but we forget that it actually starts with The Word of God.
6 ‘Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it’.
Proverbs 22: 6 NIV
In God’s Word I see what it looks like to have healthy authority modelled. And I believe part of understanding this authority is recognising why discipline is important. Discipline for me is not just a physical consequence, it is a boundary where correction is laid. Whether it is removing something, no longer getting something, or rewarding with something. All discipline should come from a place of love. When we discipline with love we are showing up for our children. We are desiring good for them in their future, not just in the now. Discipline and healthy authority is important in our life. When we understand that God is the head, that He is a healthy authority over us, we can also understand that the law is authority over us, that people in positions of power are in authority over us. When we remove that healthy fear of authority we lack as individuals, as a community and a country because we do not fear what God put in place to help us: boundaries. And I believe this starts in the home. What does healthy authority look like to you? Just like God with His children, when we are not obedient to Him, there is a lack of intimacy. There is a disconnect, where God’s grace is given, but if we continue to go down the path of destruction God has to remove His hand and His presence is no longer with us. It is not because of God’s doing, it is because of us. We fall short, we stuff up and when we repent and turn back to Him, our relationship can be restored. This is how I see my daughter, I set the boundaries, she makes a choice and the consequence is then hers.
15 ‘Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.’
Proverbs 22: 15 NIV
When I think back at the ways I use to assert my authority over my daughter it was aggressive, and it came from a place of unmet needs in myself. I didn’t recognise the value of myself, let alone the worth in my daughter. In last week’s blog- Connection Building with God at the centre. https://godlywives.blog/connection-seeking/ I wrote about how through God’s word I have been able to understand a framework that modelled what connection building looked like with my daughter. It is through trust, connection and intimacy with her that I was able to build a foundation to where my relationship with her is now. And in the closeness of our relationship, she displays behaviours of love in return to me, she desires to be obedient and our relationship flourishes.
For me, my mindset shifted when I understood how God showed up for his people. He spoke life into them. He had a destination for them, he called them higher and loved them more deeply. He broke down the lies that they were believing about themselves and their situation, with the truth. And through His presence and through His Word, He builds us up and gives us His strength to walk down the path of righteousness. My daughter, much like myself need healthy authority, need boundaries and consequences to be built up in the ways of the LORD. But first it is us as parents who need to lead the way. Be disciplined, speak life over yourself, model what you desire to see in your children. It starts with you! Find out what God’s Word says about you. Find out your worth in Jesus and then love your children through authority.
Nadia x
All for His Glory.