21 ‘By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. 22 Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.‘
Exodus 13: 21-22 NIV
7min read
As the years have passed I have come to understand more deeply how my relationship with my daughter starts with building. Building trust, building connection, building intimacy. It’s what I believe is the foundation of a strong relationship. And for me it began when I starting understanding who God was in my life. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” Jesus came to be a substitute for the wrath of God for anyone who chooses to believe. And the gospel speaks of God’s great love for us that Jesus came to die for you and I, so we could be reconciled back to the Father. For me I now see more deeply how God desires reconciliation with His children so we can have eternal life in His presence. How could we do it without Jesus? It is in our great need, that Jesus shed His blood on the cross. And for me that’s where it all began. It’s about the resorted pathway through Jesus that allows us to have a relationship with God the Father and rest in His presence. It’s about our need to commune with Him so we can be more like Christ and have greater intimacy with the Father. For me I can see how being reconciled back to the Father is where it begins. And this is the framework for how I desire to build a relationship with my daughter.
Prior to understanding the gospel I loved my daughter, but I did not know what it looked like to build a relationship with her. And this is where I started to understand why God calls me His daughter and He is my Father. It is in my great need, that I desire His direction, His discipline, His love, His intimacy and that is what draws me back to Him. Because where would I be without His outstretched arm of grace that pours over me again and again and again?
Prior to Christ, my relationship with my daughter lacked substance. I wanted her to respect me as her mother but I did not have a deep relationship with her. I wanted her to obey my instruction and desired for her to have fun and love me back, but the foundation of our relationship was forced, there was a lack of presence and a lack of connection. There was a lot of do’s but a lack of why. And for me I did not understand the why. Why is discipline important and what does that look like? Why do I need to set boundaries? Why is having fun with her important? Why is understanding who I am, a reflection of how I can better understand who she is? And something that was so beautiful for me was seeing how God desires over and over again to be in the presence of His people, it’s not for the benefit of God, it is in the great need of His children. And I see in God’s word how He desires to build relation with us. Build trust, build connection, build intimacy. We need God to be close, because where would we be without Him? God is so patient and kind, that even through our rebellion to Him, He still shows up for us.
‘“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”
6 So we say with confidence,
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?”
7 Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.‘
Hebrews 13: 5-8 NIV
Over the years I have come to understand that my relationship with my daughter is a reflection of the way I see my Heavenly Father. It is based on the time and effort I am willing to give her. I thought the relationship I had with her would just come like that. That because I am her mother she would respect me as her mother. But I didn’t understand that just like you and I, we needed to build a relationship with each other and come to know one another. Jesus bore the cross so we could experience the same and understand what trust, connection and intimacy looks like. The more I seek relationship with God, the stronger the bond is with my daughter, because I understand how to build on a solid foundation. The more I set clearer boundaries with her, the more she desires to listen to instruction and the more our relationship flourishes, it is not I but the light of Christ who lives in me. And all the while a place of trust, communication, consistency and safety through presence is built, that allows her to flourish. And out flows the beauty of who God created her to be, in her uniqueness and all.
3 ‘Then Moses went up to God, and the Lord called to him from the mountain and said, “This is what you are to say to the descendants of Jacob and what you are to tell the people of Israel: 4 ‘You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself. 5 Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, 6 you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.’ These are the words you are to speak to the Israelites.”‘
Exodus 19: 3-6 NIV
God desires to be intimate with us. He desires to be known so we can sit in His presence and draw those around us to Him. And just like my daughter, the more I understand who Christ is in my life, the more I am drawn to be like Him. Our children are a reflection of who we are and for me it begins with building connection. I believe that when we are drawn to understand the closeness of the gospel, that it speaks intimately to you and I, we are able to step back and recognise the fruit that can be passed to people around us. God desires closeness, He desires a connection with us, for us. I am God’s daughter, He is our Father. He desires to be known so we can rest in knowing who we are as Children of God, and come to understand the why in how we raise our own children.
We all desire connection. My daughter is the same. Your child is the same. I am the same. We all want to be loved in our uniqueness and all. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” We all desire to be loved in our worth, and that worth is in Jesus. I love my daughter differently than before. No she is not perfect, no she does not always obey. But I love her because God entrusted me to raise her up in the ways of the LORD, and that begins with me, through building connection. She is worthy of my time, she is worthy of my praise, she is worthy of my love, because God Himself calls her worthy and that is something to be celebrated.
Nadia x
All for His Glory.